{"id":8069,"date":"2021-12-03T19:55:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-03T19:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carmellclark.com\/new\/?p=8069"},"modified":"2021-12-29T20:05:24","modified_gmt":"2021-12-29T20:05:24","slug":"self-care-living-a-life-you-love-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carmellclark.com\/new\/self-care-living-a-life-you-love-now\/","title":{"rendered":"Self Care = Living a Life You LOVE Now"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Recently in one of my groups, I asked them to think about and share their \u201cRules for Loving Myself.\u201d\u00a0 There were pauses, a few sheepish smiles, a few \u201cOh sh#@, I don\u2019t even know where to start\u201d looks, and one very perplexed face in the group.<\/p>

As we dove into sharing our thoughts about what would make a rule for loving the self, it became clear that there is confusion around this idea.\u00a0 It stems from the concept of\u00a0self care<\/em>.<\/p>

Obviously how we define self care is very individual.\u00a0 But I found that my people were conflating self care and their rules for loving themselves.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know differently.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>

As one of my uber-smart clients was sharing her very steady and practiced ways of taking care of herself such as getting massages, taking time for hot baths, reading for pleasure, fun time with her kids, and ballroom dancing, she also mentioned slowing down.<\/p>

I paused her there.\u00a0 I then walked through with her how she has a well-developed set of self-care practices that she regularly follows through with, and that\u2019s fantastic!\u00a0 But, I told her, they are not the rules of loving yourself.\u00a0 This gave her pause.<\/p>

As she stepped back from the self-care practices and considered the question again, she observed that her life was continually running.\u00a0 A full schedule every day, always so many things to do, even her down-time had a plan.<\/p>

She considered that what she felt she was always needing was to slow down.\u00a0 To move through her hours in her day with more presence and awareness\u00a0of her life<\/em>.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I would say a rule for loving myself would be to slow my life down to be more present in experiencing it.\u201d<\/p>

Brilliant.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>

In a session with another client, I was trying to break through her ultra-type-A mindset regarding self-care.\u00a0 In her case, she would self-care the hell out of herself in order to keep on her million-dollar schedule, keep her clients needing her, and stay crucially important to those she served.<\/p>

As I kept trying to work through the problems in this approach to self-care, I suddenly blurted out, \u201cSelf care means living a life you absolutely love, right now!\u201d<\/p>

I stopped.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

That was it!\u00a0 That was the true essence of self care.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t mean I couldn\u2019t go at breakneck speed sometimes.\u00a0 And yes, it might mean massages, lunch dates, time in nature, chocolate cake or bubble baths\u2026\u00a0 BUT,\u00a0self-care was not those things.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

Self care meant showing up to my life straight-on to make it\u00a0a life I loved, in all the ways, right now<\/em>.\u00a0 Loving my life now, was\u2013is\u2013loving myself now.\u00a0 The point of self-care is to love myself.<\/p>

How am I doing?\u00a0 Am I loving myself?\u00a0 Am I loving myself through this life I am living right now, today?\u00a0 Not tomorrow or this week\u2013just today.<\/p>

And this brings me back to the Rules of Loving Myself.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>

What are those guides like precious guardrails on the side of my daily highway, that make sure I don\u2019t head off on a well-intentioned side-road that ends up working against me?<\/p>

Or put another way, what are those absolutes for loving me exactly as I am right now, that I must make sure are clear to me?\u00a0 That are there informing my choices both large and small each day?<\/p>

Ok, yes, Carmell, but could you give me some examples?<\/p>

I\u2019d be happy to.\u00a0 Just remember that your rules for loving yourself can\u2019t connect you to \u2018my strength,\u2019 they must connect you to your own strength inside.\u00a0 They must feel powerful to you\u2013not just sound powerful.<\/p>

Some of mine are:<\/p>

RULE #1<\/strong>\u00a0Nobody gets to have a negative opinion of me that is greater than my positive opinion of myself.\u00a0<\/p>

RULE #2\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0I am perfect and whole exactly as I am.\u00a0<\/p>

RULE #3<\/strong>\u00a0 Everything is art. I must always be creating.\u00a0<\/p>

\u200b\u200bRULE #4<\/strong>\u00a0 My time is how I experience my consciousness\u2013it is the most precious thing I have.\u00a0 I give myself space in my daily life in order to consciously experience my time.\u00a0<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>

But be aware, yours could go a completely different direction.\u00a0 I came to my rules by coming to know myself.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

Who am I?\u00a0 I am not my goals, my accomplishments, or my past.\u00a0 I am not what others think or expect.\u00a0 I am not my work or my family.\u00a0 Who I am is not somebody\u2019s partner or parent or child.\u00a0 Nor am I my intelligence, my spiritual beliefs, my service to others, my philanthropy or my financial position.<\/p>

So who am I?<\/p>

It is my journey to answer this question that has brought me to the rules I\u2019ve just shared and many more, that guide the precious highway of my life.<\/p>

But I can give you a solid clue that will start you off with a bang.<\/p>

Discover more and more of what you wholly and totally love in your life, and live it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

Living a life that you deeply love every day will bring you more directly to know who you are inside yourself\u2013the eclectic, unique, beautiful, brilliant funny, powerful soul that you are.<\/p>

So instead of trying to do self-care, focus instead on discovering what you love\u2013and live it consistently every day.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

Then ask what your own rules are for living this life that you love so much.\u00a0 From those ideas, ask how they translate into the rules of loving yourself.<\/p>

Write them down.\u00a0 They matter very much.\u00a0 Because you matter very much.<\/p>

Don\u2019t lose a moment more of your life to what you don\u2019t love.<\/p>

That is Self Care, indeed.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently in one of my groups, I asked them to think about and share their \u201cRules for Loving Myself.\u201d  There were pauses, a few sheepish smiles, a few \u201cOh sh#@, I don\u2019t even know where to start\u201d looks, and one very perplexed face in the group. 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